James 4:8

My plan for today was to simply add pictures of the kids out ice skating yesterday. It was a lot of fun, as of last night Chris had a sore knee, Ron's back hurt, and my hip wasn't feeling the best. It is true as you getting older, and bigger, you fall harder. Still even with the soreness and bruised muscles I still wouldn't give up these moments spent with the kids.

As I sit here on the couch this morning, it is fairly quiet in the house, the kids are all upstairs playing nicely. The weather outside it calm. Dried, dead tree's and grass, patches of snow remaining, it just looks bleak and cold. Which is kind of how I have felt lately. I briefly remember a sermon heard during the early part of 2008, about the struggles and difficulties that will be faced in the year to come. I remember thinking that this sermon must be mainly for others, my life is great, I love MY life! And couldn't think of anything bad I was anticipating to happen. I am now hoping that things, just as these winter months remain only for a season, that my bleakness too will only remain for this time. My whole life is not full of this bleakness, but I do still struggle on days about the loss of my brother, which was the most difficult thing I have had to face in my life. The struggles we have here at home with the kids, and my own personal self esteem problem. The problem I have with thinking that others are upset with me or no longer like me. Thinking that I am never good enough to do the things that God has called me to do, I have HUGE desires for being used in the ministry to speak life into children's lives, to watch them form a true, lasting relationship with Christ, to see the Bible come to life for them, to witness the lessons on Sunday having an impact on their lives as they realize what it is that is actually being said and that it has a real, a new meaning in their lives. One that will not be shaken or forgotten. Memorable, Lasting, & Meaningful! To prophesy into their lives. Adults use to make my pits sweat and my heart pound, but lately I haven't been as fearful when in front of them. I also desire to speak to parents, encourage them, and help them know the importance of Family, how to be the Godly parents God has called us to be. It has been prophesied to me that I will be Great, that I will prophesy to kids, that I will have a boldness like never before, that I will be used to do things I've never imagined , that I will speak to hundreds of children of all different colors, on the mission field....things like this bring me so much encouragement. This is exactly what I so desperately want to do, and believe that God has called me to do. I just feel that I have somehow messed things up because I am not seeing all of this come to pass. I'm wondering if I haven't been just sitting allowing Satan to fill me with this bleakness....I'm ready to fight. This last Sunday evening at church during an alter call, I was praying a prayer I have prayed many times before, that I am thankful for all God has done in my life, thankful for hearing his voice when I needed it the most, but so desperately wanting more of Him in my life. To know that I am doing everything in accordance to His plan for my life, everything that I do to be pleasing to Him. That I would be the loving mother He wants me to be, the God filled children's pastor he has called me to be, sharing with the kids the message HE has given me each week. That those things prophesied to me would still come to pass. As I was praying this prayer, it was then prophesied to me that if I consume the word of God, consume it daily, that it would become my life source, and I would steal away and worship my God, that He would give me the desires of my heart. All of my desires are things that would glorify Him, bring Him honor. Basically it was being said, that if only I cling to Him, search for Him, crave Him, praise Him, and dig into his word daily, he will give me what I want. And how cool is it that when I get what my heart desires it will be so pleasing, so glorifying to my Father, my Creator, who has designed me and called me. He will give me greatness, unselfish, not proud greatness because I will know it is not me, it is Him in me, and in return He will receive glory & honor.

James 4:8 has become my verse for this year, as I desperately seek Him: 'Come near to God and he will come near to you.' God promises to come near to all who turn from their own way, allow him to purify their hearts and pursue a deeper relationship with him. When we demonstrate our dependence on God through time in his Word and prayer and by following the guidance of his Holy Spirit, God promises to be with us and make his presence, blessing, and love known to us in a special way. I am going to use my blog as a way to hold myself accountable to studying His Word, I am starting Faithful Friday's. As I faithfully read my Bible each day, I will share with all of you something that meant the most to me during that week, and hopefully some days it will encourage some of you as well.