This morning I got the kids on the bus, and Cole woke up at the sound of the garage door shutting, so I brought him down stairs and he fell back asleep on the couch. I sat at the opposite end of the couch and read my Love Dare for today, and a section out of my Bible. Last week was a great week, everything went great, I was even thinking that the issue with Justus if I just keep at it with love, that God would help us through it and we wouldn't need any other help. This week, on the other hand, has been really hard for me. With the different struggles and challenges I have had to face, the way I respond to them, the emotions that I have to keep control of. I then fell back asleep this morning thinking these thoughts: God how am I going to do what you have called me to do when I feel so useless, so out of control.
I had a dream, and in this dream Colben and I were in the van we were driving down a familar road, it was Coppock Road. Only Cole was in the drivers seat and I was beside him. I was helping him with his shoes and I remember in my dream I noticed out of the corner of my eye that the steering wheel turned on it's own to make it around the curve, as I continued to help him with his shoes. We were almost home, the roads were clear, but then we hit a snow covered slick spot, I reached up and took the wheel but then we slid out of control and off the road. We slid for a long time out into the field, we kept sliding and sliding. During this whole time not once did either of us scream out in fear, I had my arms wrapped around Cole in a protective way, and we just watched as we slid, not seeming to be in control of the car or what was going to happen next. Finally the car came to a stop, but it was on a steep incline, quickly we got out and were safe. As we turned back around, the van had rolled over and was distroyed, I went to gather stuff out of it and found everything distroyed, my laptop, dvd player, camera, everything in there that was important to me was distroyed. During the whole thing, I never became scared or angry, or even worried. I knew that everything was going to be ok. And I remember thinking these things are replacable, Cole is out and safe.
Colben then woke up and not knowing I was at the opposite end with him hollored out my name, and I too woke up. As soon as I woke up these were my thoughts: 'Tanya this dream is your life, you don't know what is going to happen next, or what to do during the trying times, when it seems your life is sliding out of control, but know that I have the wheel. You have control of your life but I am there, unseen, to help you through some of the curves life gives you. Just as Colben was to small to steer the wheel of the vehicle he was in, you to are to small to see where your life vehicle is going, so I am there to steer it for you. When things get to out of control, know that my arms are around you, when everything else seems to be distroyed know that what matters is still with you.'
Just the other night I told Chris in my frustration, that I couldn't do it any more, it was too hard. I have never had a dream like this, before I was even awake enough to think anything through God started speaking to me. And now, as I sit thinking about how to handle lifes circumstances, I realize I have no real need to worry, or be scared of what may be in each day, because I may be in the drivers seat of this crazy ride, but I have one who knows the course - steering when it gets slick.
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