Faithful Friday - Grace

Being in Florida the past two Friday's I haven't been so faithful to posting what great things God is doing in my life. I can say that I thank God for the opportunity to be able to go away with my family and have the wonderful vacation that we just came back from.
However I can't say the right words to make you understand how great my God is, how wonderful and patient. How do I make you feel what I feel? Today as the house is again quiet for the moment I was listening to my Laura Story CD. Usually I just pick my 2 favorite songs to listen to on her CD, today I was just letting the whole thing play. And in the quietness I started thinking about how things have been lately. How I want to do so much for God, I want to do such Great things, I want to be used for life changes in children and parents. As I have admitted before I have a real hard time with Justus. And so many times I have prayed this prayer, asking God to help me love him, feel the same for him as I do my other children, to treat him the way a loving mother would, to know how to handle the situations that arise with him. And I just feel as though time and time again I fail with him. Fail at handling things the appropriate way, fail at showing him the love he deserves as a child, a gift from God. On days I would even start believing that because of this situation I am messing things up so bad that God will never use me now to do the things he has called me to do, that He will pass over me and find someone who can handle and control theirselves better, who can get into His word even when they feel a failure. On days I did feel like such a failure I was even ashamed to pick up my Bible, sure that God was giving up on me. Yet, at the same time knowing that God was the only way to make it through. So after a day or so of feeling so completely like a failure I would pick it up and start reading. Somedays God spoke to me, as I have shared on other posts, other days there was nothing. I would gladly like to share that this week has been a week where I have seeked God, dug into His word, regardless of how my day went. And my feelings towards Justus are more loving, I have been more patient, controlled my anger and handled things quiet well. I know this is God changing me from the inside out. Don't misunderstand, there are lots of days that I feel unworthy of God's grace that I am still seeking God's face. But today the realization of how many days I have skipped out just because I feel I wasn't good enough for God to use me anymore. And how I can get so discouraged at knowing that there has to be someone out there who is better, smarter than me, and how easy it would be for God to use them instead.
In the quietness today this song came on - Grace. Even though this is a song that many have heard before, today it was something that was written just for me. It was my thoughts and as I was thinking these things, the chorus of this song came on, and I felt God saying this is my answer, right here in this song, is my answer to you. As I was asking God how many times will you pick me up when I have failed, I am letting you down. Almost the same wording that came through on the CD player, were my thoughts right before that song came on. That too has to be something from God, the timing was absolutely perfect. Here is His answer, "My child, I love you and as long as you're seeking my face you'll walk in the power of my daily sufficient grace."
Not long ago it was prophesied to me that if I seek His face and consume the word of God then He will give me all the desires of my heart. After the chorus I feel God was saying, 'there is your answer.' Again, as long as I am seeking his face. He knew from the moment he created humans that we would fall, we would struggle and he made a way through Jesus Christ for us to come to Him. So today I can stand assured that no matter how many times I fall, as long as I am seeking Him, am in His word, and trying my best to obey Him, then His grace is enough, His grace will be there to cover me.